Do the Candy and Flower Petal Thing

If you don't have kids, this is easy, if you do, you have to make it happen.

When no kids are around leave a trail of his or her favorite candies from room to room, change it up with flower petals. When they finally follow the trail to the bedroom, it's all flower petals everywhere and candy on the bed strategically placed.

Yummy in more ways than one.

I'm Too Busy

It's very true, we are all too busy. With the number of things on our daily To Do Lists, we very often feel overwhelmed. Whether man or woman, makes no difference, we all feel it. To some degree, it's the culutre of our country. We don't know how to slow down and we don't want to slow down. We're afraid we'll let something slip through the cracks and fail. God forbid. Honestly, we need to learn that it's ok to say the word no. One of the casualties is our relationship with our significant others.

Make time to make time. Easier said than done. I can tell you from personal experience; it all starts with something very small. Just one small thing. Sometimes that small thing is just your realization that something is wrong. That something feels very different than when you first met. It's not like it used to be. Well, I can tell you, it never will be again. But that doesn't mean it can't be even better than it used to be. Just a different better. Those nights of making out in the car. Having sex in wild places you never would now. Letting the word spontaneous rule your world back then.... But now there are kids, bills, meetings, working at home to finish what you couldn't in your work day. And you look at your significant other (here on out it will be your SO) and you think, "who are you?" or "why did I fall in love with you again?".

If you think your relationship is worth it but you're having a hard time finding the fun again then make time. Make time to make time. What I mean by that is literally sit down in the quiet for five minutes and make a list. Make a list of three fun things you would like to do with your SO. Pick one of the three and set a deadline. OR pick one of the three and when the moment feels right, make it happen spontaneously. As an idea, start with a simple thing. When the kids are asleep, not around, or just not looking for a minute, take your SO and slowly and lovingly push them to the closest wall. Hold their hands down and kiss their neck. Kiss their ear. Whisper I love you (even if you haven't said it in a while, just try it). Tell them something you need to say or they need to hear, make it personal, about your relationship, not something about your day to day million things going on. Just about the two of you. Only you would know what that is. Kiss their neck again. Walk away.

That is a small thing. It's a start. Do you know in one fell swoop what you just did? It could be you just opened up a flood gate of passion, or maybe for you two it just opened the door a tiny crack into what could be again. It's only a start. It is spontaneous and it shows you care. After that, pick the three things on your list and slowly begin to make them happen. My list would look like this. In fact, this is my list for my SO and myself. I will do it too. I think we have already found our magic again but this is a fantastic way for the magic to continue-

1. Send a naughty text while at work in the middle of the day. Just one. It's clear and it's full of passion.
2. Behind the scenes set up for a night out when there hasn't been one in too long. One thing in that night should be something you haven't done in a LONG time. Only you will know what that is. Make it heart stopping. Heart stopping does not always have to be big or expensive; not at all. Heart stopping can be free, no money, but priceless to the heart.
3. Do a chore you hate to do and usually never do, something that is a big deal, and that your SO always does. You know that they hate to do it too. Maybe it's a point of contention. Do it once. Do it twice. Be silent, no need to brag. It will be obvious you've done it. Walk away. Let the action speak for itself. Maybe give a big genuine smile and then move on. Doesn't it feel good? It's like a gift.

Try just one of these things. Come up with your own. I promise you, it's worth it. If you love your SO, it's more worth it than you know. You can't be too busy for your day to day, your work, your outside obligations--so don't be too busy for the reason you do it all.

Finding Quiet Time For Both of You

This is hard to do. Make it happen. Here are a couple of ideas to help you slowly let him (or her) know you are paying attention.

1. Gently so not to break it--with an eyeliner or lip liner write a love note on the shower wall. Gals, if you're feeling really spicy, do a mack daddy clean on a small portion next to your lusty message and really put on some bright lipstick. Kiss the shower wall as your signature. This is a GREAT way to start some excitement and help build it up for that night.
2. Notes. We've all left them. Not a super original idea. But where to PUT them? ;) Hmmmm. In the pocket of the pants they're wearing that day. In their wallet. On their windsheild at work (can be worth the trip, believe me). On top of their pillow for that night. The note can be shockingly forward or supremely sweet and innocent. Your choice.
3. Just when you are the most angry and feel like blowing up, whether you're in the throws of a fight or there's one coming on..do a huge reverse and graciously accept what is coming at you. When they expect the big fight, give them love and acceptance. Change it up. And mean it. And walk away. Is it worth it? In the end, is the fight you are having, the yelling, the screaming, the angry words that hurt, is it all worth it? Usually, it's not. Most of the time it's not. I did this the other day, to avoid an argument and it felt fantastic. It threw a curve ball and the fight never came. It was smoothly avoided. Later we talked about the point of contention in a normal conversation and all ended beautifully. AND we connected that night. In more ways than one. ;)

This is just the beginning of this blog. It will all be about finding the quiet for you, the couple. It will be about spicing it up after lots of years together. It will be about love and how to make it; but not just physically. Stay tuned.